In my last post I shared the foundation of Non-violent Communication (NVC). Today I’m talking about how NVC is used to express appreciation.
When we think about workplace communication, we often think about difficult or uncomfortable conversations. Maybe we have to deliver (or receive) uncomfortable performance feedback, or we want to make a case for a raise or promotion. I’ll cover that type of communication in a future post, but today I’m focusing on effectively expressing appreciation. Whether it is appreciation for the great work of someone who reports to us, or appreciation for a plum assignment we’ve received, expressing our appreciation in a clear, specific way is more impactful than the typical “you did a great job” or “thanks, I won’t let you down”
Expressing gratitude and celebration with NVC, uses the same principles as for conflict resolution. The main concepts are:
Clear expression of our needs and feelings. Or, in the case of expressing appreciation, what has met a need or made our life more wonderful.
Observation of behaviors only, without judgment or demands. When expressing appreciation, this means expressing our observation of specific contributions and sharing our gratitude for that contribution in a very detailed way.
Evaluation without criticism or blame. When sharing appreciation for a specific accomplishment, be sure to focus the conversation on that achievement only. Save any other feedback for another time.
The following is an example of what an expression of gratitude might look like using NVC, versus the way most of us might express the sentiment:
The scenario is that you have an employee, Joe, that went above and beyond on a project while continuing to do a stellar job on their regular responsibilities. You know of a couple of personal sacrifices they made in order to pick up the slack when a deadline was in jeopardy due to the actions of others.
Your expression of gratitude using language not aligned with the principles of NVC might go something like this:
“Hey Joe! I bet you’re relieved that project is finished! You did a great job. Thanks for all your hard work.”
And here is an example of the same scenario, but expressing gratitude using the principles of NVC:
“Hey Joe, do you have a couple of minutes to sit down and talk to me about the project you just completed? Great! I wanted to take this opportunity to express my appreciation for the thoughtful, skillful and positive contribution you made to the successful completion of this project. Your expertise and strong team leadership made a difference in how the team interacted, ensuring everyone was working together to achieve this goal. I know that you made a couple of sacrifices in your personal life to meet that deadline we were about to miss, and I want you to know that didn’t go unnoticed. Thank you. I really appreciate your efforts.”
I’m guessing you can see how powerful the second expression of gratitude is when compared to the first. That kind of clear communication, focused on the specific behavior of the other person, while acknowledging how they the project successful, and made your life more wonderful, is much more impactful than the first example, and very likely to be favorably received by the recipient.
Although NVC requires practice and presence, it is well worth the positive impact on all of our relationships, both professional and personal.
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